Weird Chantix Dream #12 - Party at my House

It's late and we hear loud noises in the house. We think someone is breaking in so I run to Shelburne's room to protect her. It must have been nothing.

The next morning my hubby is in the shower and his jeans are on the kitchen floor, so I decide to go through his pockets. He has his cellphone in one pocket, and a black laptop that I never knew he had in the back pocket. I can't believe he's been hiding a laptop from me!!!

Before I can start going through it he gets out of the shower and on his way out the door for work he asks if I've seen his phone. I kick his phone under the piano bench and tell him I think I saw it there. Soon after he leaves for work, I find out that he works for the FBI or the CIA and the laptop is used to detonate bombs. I'm so glad I didn't mess with it!

Later on, some girl shows up at the house to tell me that my hubby kissed her, and she scratched him up. At first I don't believe her, but then I remember all the girls that told me the same thing and think, they can't all be lying... Then the girl attacks me and almost kills me, so I run to the neighbor's house to call the cops. The neighbor's are having a party, and when they hear about what's going at my house they all head over there. 

So all these people are hanging out partying at my house waiting for the cops to get there, and waiting to see if the girl is going to come back to fight me again. Shelburne is sleeping in a hammock under the stairs, and I am running around the yard picking up cigarette butts. The cops finally get there, but the girl hasn't returned, so the cops and all the people eventually leave at 6 in the morning.  I run around the patio locking all the doors. The doors are all vault doors like at a bank, except the front door which is a rickety wooden door. The girl shows up before I go to bed and we are fighting again. I keep hoping Shelburne doesn't see us fighting.

That day at work, I am reorganizing this little cupboard that hold little plastic animals we use to keep track of the days. Most of them are animals, but there are also several little pink plastic waitresses. At the end of each day we turn an animal or waitress backward in its cubbyhole. Then I remember there's another cupboard to the left that I usually use because the animals don't fall out as much, so I move all the animals over to that one and start organizing them again.

The house is dark when I get home. It looks different. I'm in my room when I hear a little voice coming from the bathroom. What is that? I walk in there and am disturbed to find my baby girl laying in the toilet like it's a bassinet and saying quietly, "Let me drown. Let me drown."

"What!?" I say to her. "Where did you even learn that word!?"

Weird Chantix Dream #11 - Plastic Indian

I'm participating in an online penny auction. It' so cool, but I think it would be better if we actually got to see what we were bidding on. Why can't we see what we're bidding on? It sounds like really great stuff, but how can we be sure? I end up winning a little plastic indian... errr... native american.  I announce over the loud speaker that I'm going to put my Indian in the Cupbaord, and everyone thinks I'm so clever.


The next morning I go to The Kingdom Hall and I am in love with some man, so I cook for him while the meeting is going on. I bring him a plate of pasta I made, and I bring one to one of my friends as well. She looks down at it and points out that there's worms in it. I'm so crushed; I spent all that time cooking and now the food it trash! I wonder if I should run and tell the man I love that there's worms in it and be utterly embarrassed, or if there's a possibility that he won't notice...

After the meeting, 2 men are going to duel for Jehovah's approval. They are on horses and have giant swords. I feel bad for one of them because he is so dumb. The other one is Jesus. After the duel, we are getting a family portrait taken of everyone from The Kingdom Hall, and I have to be in front with all of the kids because I'm so short, but I want to stand next to my husband. He's 6'3 so he's standing in the back, but I think he can stand somewhere behind me at least.

I have to use the bathroom now. The bathroom is really fancy, but you have to walk down a looooooooooong, long, long hall to get to a stall. I don't know if I'll make it!

Weird Chantix Dream #10 - Smashing Pumpkins

There I was, in the house of someone infamous, and dangerous. I was trying to leave, but there were snipers outside and I didn't want to get shot. I piled a bunch of my stuff into a shopping cart and ran out the door using it for cover. Several other people made an escape as well.

We had a long walk to get where we were going. Crossing a bridge near the beach I could see a playground where some trashy looking people were having fun smashing pumpkins and playing on a colorful jungle gym. I wanted to go there, but nobody else did.


When we got where we were going, we all got in line for a beauty pageant. There was a lot of competition.  People kept cutting in line and messing up other people's names so they wouldn't get called on. Someone was trying to tell me something but my hearing was really bad, and I had one completely deaf ear.

Weird Chantix Dream #9 – The War

I had to leave fast; wherever I was. People were screaming and rushing by and I was trying to fit all of make up into this little bag and it kept falling everywhere and I was trying to pick it all up but I had like tons of it.

There were protests going on. Tons of people with picket signs protesting the war were all marching in the same direction down the street. Then there were the people getting ready for the war. They were all headed in the other direction, all on the sidewalks. When the whistle blew, the people protesting had to switch with the people headed into war and give them their picket signs. A man ran buy with a revolver, and I knew someone was gonna get shot. I was at the top of an empty football stadium taking pictures of the crowds in the streets. I knew this moment would go down in history.


I met up with Jess, Kelly, and Kassie for lunch so we could go over our plan. I remember Jess and I laughing hysterically because we both said the word "anorexorcize" at the same time. We were pigging out big time and saying that Kelly and Kassie were anorexorcizing themselves because they  
were hardly eating.

Our plan involved lining the inside of the dresser drawers with written notes about the war. We couldn't decide weather to handwrite the notes, or print them. If we printed them we could print really small and probably save more space.

Then we were in a ship. We were sailing in the ocean and the ship flipped over. It was ok if we were upside down, but we couldn't go sideways or the water would come in so a group of us were doing a balancing act, leaning a little each way as we needed to to prevent the ship from leaning on its side. It worked for awhile, but it kept flipping and flipping...

Quitting Smoking using Chantix & Weird Chantix Dreams by Sharice Paris

I quit smoking on January 11th, starting Chantix one week before my quit date as directed. I have gone down to 0-2 a day not even trying. I know the times I smoke are just my stupid resistance to giving up the habit. My hubby smokes so they are always around, that makes it harder. But the physical CRAVING to smoke isn't there, and I don't really enjoy it when I do. Not like when you haven't had a smoke in too long, then you finally have one and... AHHhhhhhh! There is no ahhhhh, only regret for smoking it all. So I didn't smoke at all today. That is good.

The first thing my Dr. told me when she prescribed Chantix was, "Be ready for some very weird dreams!" So I looked it up and found some pretty funny ones. That's when I decided to blog mine. It was more incentive for me to quit cuz I got all excited about it. My dreams have been weird and unusal, not scary like feared. Not yet anyway...

They are really vivid and pretty easy to remember. It's almost like I have an alternate life when I'm sleeping. My memories from dreams seem real. I hope it gets even better. I've only been on it for a few weeks out of the 3 months (I think) you're supposed to stay on it.

The only negative side effects I've had were nausea and extreme sleepiness the first 2 weeks. But I seem to be ok now. My mood even seems slightly elevated. I don't even think about smoking most the time. Hopefully I've smoked my last one :)

Weird Chantix Dream #8 – The Kardashians

I'm working at Houston's Restaurant. Great. Another nightmare about waiting tables. Of coarse I have too many tables to wait on, and no one is getting what they need or want. The POS isn't working on the side by the grill. I go to the other one and can't remember my employee number. I haven't worked there in a long time, so I've forgotten a lot. It's frustrating, and everyone is too busy to answer my questions. Then the dishwashing machine gets stuck shut and we can't get anymore dishes. When one of the ladies at one of my tables finds out she is IRATE! She gets the whole place in an uproar about it, shouting that the plates they have can't be clean because the dishwasher is broken. 


Thank God my shift is over. One of the girls I work with is telling me about some married man she waited on that gave her his number at work. She's going out with him later.


Her relationship with him becomes a reality show that everyone at Houston's is on too. James Shew is super excited he's going to be on the show again because he got his wisdom teeth out. I'm excited to see his house because he talks about it a lot at work. When I finally see it I'm really disappointed. I thought he had a really nice place, but it's a dumpy little apartment. He's very proud of it though and is happy to show it off. 


The girl from work is falling in love with the married man. She spends a lot of time with him and his 2 sons. They are always at his house while his wife is at work. One day she decides to break of the relationship because the guy has such a great family and home she doesn't want to ruin it. She meets his wife after that and they hug and cry and she tells the wife that she has accomplished so much in the short time that they've lived there. 

I head to the house I'm staying at. I go in and get ready to take a shower. The shower has a long path with steps leading up to it and there are drinks that people have left along way. When I go downstairs, Rob Kardashian is there telling everyone he is going to propose to his girlfriend and how he's going to do it. It sounds really sweet. I go outside after that and the neighbor's house is on fire. I set our trash can on fire to make them feel better and throw a couple of glasses of water over to them. 


The Kardashian girls pull up in their tour bus and I'm wicked excited they are letting me get on. As soon as I get on, Rob's girlfriend is there talking about how she can't help slamming doors all the time. I tell her their wedding song should be SLAM by ONYX, and everyone thinks I let out the secret about the proposal. Later she turns down his proposal, and it's really sad.


Looking around the tour bus it's really cool. There is a little dollhouse made out of paper with furniture made out of tooth pics. Kim Kardashian is waiting for the make up artist to get there and she wants to be sure she's first to get her make up done.

Later that night we are on a street filled with people, stars, and paparazzi. The Kardashian girls are dressed totally 80's with poofy prom dresses and blue eyeshadow. Their mom is there and she's sooooo fat and looks so funny dressed all 80's. Kim is trying to avoid her family as much as possible. I don't blame her.

Weird Chantix Dream #7 – Runnaway Van

My mom and I took my baby girl to Chuck-E-Cheese's and we had a blast! It really was fun, and Shelburne was having such a good time :) I went outside to smoke a cigarette and then a few minutes later my mom came out. I asked where Shelburne was, but it was too late. A security officer had her and wanted to take her away from me because I left her in Chuck-E-Cheese's by herself. My mom was arguing with the guy, and she tells me get in the van and go pick my sister up at the airport. She's going to straighten this out.


So my daughter's buckled in her carseat and I head to the airport but I don't know what airport I'm supposed to pick Bri up at. The van is driving really crappy. The brakes are waaaaaay bad, and Shelburne keeps getting out of her carseat. I grab the phone to call my mom but all I have is her iphone and I can't figure out how to work it. A picture of my brother Jeremy just keeps popping up. I'm getting so aggravated, I yell at Shelburne to stay in her seat. We're going the wrong way down the highway extremely fast, and I don't even know how we haven't crashed yet.

Of coarse I go to the wrong aiport. I finaly get in touch with my mom and sister Bri and they are hanging out at this really nice vacation hotel. At least I'm still alive. And I have Shelburne. We make it to the hotel eventually and I'm really impressed. There are tiny trees that are real in the bathrooms and several room in the hotel room itself. It's decorated very natural and pretty. Then someone says, "There's tons of free bubble wrap in the elevator!" so we all rush over there to pop bubbles.

My hubby is working there and he's in the elevator in his underwear, and when we all go back to our room I turn around to check him out and I trip and fall. Figures.

Weird Chantix Dream #6 – Movies with Brooke & Julie

Another crappy apartment but I'm so in love with my hubby and baby girl. I'm thinking I should take a video of the place we live in cuz it's soooo bad, and I know we'll look back someday and laugh. Right? There is a water sprinkler directly above my computer (at least I have a computer) and it drips sometimes. We can't move the sprinkler because it needs to be next to all the wires. I go to take a shower and to do that I have to remove the racks from the refrigerator and crouch down inside. That's the shower. In the fridge. I wonder if my baby girl will fit in the bottom drawer. It's a very cold shower. Yuck.

But my hubby made breakfast! Toast and eggs, bacon and potatoes. I think the potatoes are cool cuz they came out of a can like spam. Just a white brick of reprocessed potato that you could mash up or dice. Pretty neat :) My hubby cooked them both ways cuz he wasn't sure which I like. I want 1/2 of each, and he gets mad about it. Like I just need to pick one, damn it.

Well I got the night off (a babysitter) and decide to go to the movies with Brooke and Julie – my sister-in-laws. We are SO excited! It's this huge movie theatre like 5 stories high and all these really important people are there. In the lobby, Brooke and Julie start saying really obscene things real loud so everyone can hear, then they run for the next open elevator and get in laughing, hoping the door will shut before anyone who heard them gets in too. 

When we finally sit down we sit at nice tables and my mother-in-law is a few chairs down from Brooke and Julie who are on one side of me. My hubby is on the other. I'm smoking, and when my my mother-in-law asks if someone is smoking in the theatre, we pass the question to the person next to us and on and on. Then we pretend that they hand us the cigarette and we pass it to my mother-in-law. She screams, "I didn't want some of it!" and we all laugh.

Weird Chantix Dream #5 – The Blue MuMu

We were together rolling around on the ground, so happy and in love when your mom came with bad news. I wasn't, as everyone had thought, a descendant of the Queen of England. Umm... I never said I was. Your mom was real upset about it though. But you looked at me even deeper in love than we were before and kissed me. It felt so good to know that you still loved me even though I had no money.

I didn't want to miss my flight to California. I had a layover in Las Vegas the same time as Cindy Lohbeck, and was looking forward to seeing her. But my sister Bri and I had to look at some houses first. The neighborhood was VERY upscale. It had guards at the entrance and throughout. Of coarse I was naked, so I had to find something to wear QUICK! So we raided someone's closet. Apparently a very large woman who had a fine collection of mu-mu's and sweaters. Then we heard her in the bathroom.  I quickly chose a dark blue mu-mu and a short sleeved sweater with jewels on it. Then I put a thick belt around the waist that I was constantly adjusting throughout my dream.

My sister stole the first hot car she saw and drove around the neighborhood tearin it up. I'm gonna miss my flight. We ran into a group of black guys that were looking for help with some kind of fund raiser so they wouldn't loose their fancy house. I thought we were gonna play a basketball game, and I was sure at this point I was going to miss my flight, but it turned out we were playing some trivia game. During the game I left to get a drink at Sonic, but I couldn't get there because there was NASCAR race going in circles around their house. All the cars were decked out with nice rims and tinted windows n stuff, and they were going faster and faster wearing out the road, making a moat around the house.

I finaly headed to the airport and was complaining how every time I paint my nails at the airport I get nailpolish on my clothes or purse. I did get some compliments on my jeweled sweater though, and people thought it was SO expensive. I saw the tag though and it was only $65. Well, that's pretty expensive...

Weird Chantix Dream #4 – Mini Skirts & Diapers

It's raining and it's trash day. I'm thinking, "If I were rich, I'd stick a $20 to the trash can every rainy day just to say thanks to guys that pick it up!" Then as I leave the trash can at the curb, it falls over and trash goes everywhere and I have to pick it up.

I'm working as a waitress at one of 2 pizza joints, depending which one my ex-bff Angela isn't working at. She keeps switching and I keep switching to get away from her. She's trying to be my friend again and telling me some sob story about her ex-boyfriend, then I just blow up at her and shout, "YAH THAT'S WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!!" Then I slap her.

On my way home, to my mom's house again, I stop at IKEA. Some lady asks if I know where the industrial sinks are, so I say, "Yes!" and show her. Then I start acting like I'm working there, and helping everyone, and asking other customers if they know where stuff is to help the customer who was looking for it. On my break I go outside to smoke and this guy is driving off with my sister Britney in the car. He is freakin out cuz she is having a seizure or something, and I tell him to hurry and get her to a hospital. Then he gives me a blunt and his car and they drive off (in my sister's car I guess).

So I put out the blunt, not knowing what to do with it, and get in his car. It's a stick shift, and I'm having a REALLY hard time driving it. I go down an alley and see this big Toy Cemetery behind Goodwill. I see some toys I think Shelburne would like. Maybe I'll go back later. Then I'm smoking on top of a hill and I see the kids from our church playing with the toys in the cemetery. Some of them go back to my mom's with me where we wrestle with putting playpens together and getting high chairs out of the attic.

I go for a walk with my hubby, and the has a camera. He is taking pictures of me laying on the ground covered in leaves with a halo or crown of sticks around my head. He is up on a ladder taking the pictures.

I walk to work alone. There is a big staircase like you would see on the front of a rather large building. There I see two grown men dancing up and down the stairs, and they are so happy, and they are wearing blue mini-skirts and diapers. Dancing around. Possibly in love.

In the morning I go on the balcony of my mom's house and arrange all these white tables and chairs like a fancy restaurant, making sure the light is hitting them just so, and when you look out the window you see them just perfectly. And it is all white...

Weird Chantix Dream #3 – The Bum

I was visiting a town in MA, basically staying there, in this small apartment with a bunch of people; family I think. The apartment was on a confusing street. It was one way 1/2 the time, and the other way the other 1/2 the time. I kept having to go around the block and I'd end up in this maze of streets and get lost for awhile. It kinda sucked cuz I was on a bike... in the snow. One street that dead ended into a really bad neighborhood had a junk yard on one side across from some ghetto apartments. There were little boys stealing scraps from the junk yard through a whole in the chain link fence.


It was hard riding a bike in the snow but a lot of other people were doing it so I tried to follow their lead through traffic.

I kept thinking I was gonna run into this Bum, and one day walking home from the next town over I saw him walking towards me on a busy sidewalk, but he didn't seem to see me, and walked right past me. I ran through an alley to cut him off on the other side, and saw him talking to some people out side of the army art class he was about to go into. It was right across from my apartment! I leaned on the brick wall next to him, and he was just like whatever, no big deal, and so I went home without even saying good bye.

The next morning I got a text message from him. It was actually from the night before, but my cellphone battery had died so I just got it. It said: We are having great conversation and ideas over here. Come on over and join us! We could use your input!

I was so bummed I didn't get it earlier. He really did want to see me! So I looked him up on facebook and found out that he was divorced, and I got REALLY excited! lol

We hung out at some point cuz I remember him telling me that he wanted nothing to do with his ex. Another time I was talking to him outside our apartment building and when I turned around Shelburne was gone! It scared me so bad! Then someone from my apartment said she was upstairs and I yelled at them for taking her up there without telling me.

I stopped by Don's Connivence Store to get something when I went out again. I brought a big bag of Cheetos in with me and stopped to explain to him on the way out that I wasn't stealing them, that I had them with me, and I really didn't know why I brought them in. He just laughed and said he knew. Then I noticed the big freezer in the middle of the store, and it was filled with all this meat... like really good filet mignons and stuff. I never knew they sold it there. Huh.

Weird Chantix Dream #2 – Bri's Room

In this dream I am stayin with my mom, and my sister isn't there cuz she's in jail.  Some really big fat guy shows up wanting to get something out of Bri's room. He looked like he just got out prison and he had this real trashy broad with him too. I didn't want to let him in my sister's room, but he finally talked me into it. He went to the book shelves (which is funny cuz I don't think my sister owns a book) and from behind the books he took a porn collection! HA! I don't know if she has one of those...

But when he started grabbing other things I got so mad I pulled a gun to his head and was screaming at him to get the BEEP out of our house!

Weird Chantix Dream #1 – The Kitchen

I was in the kitchen with my mom and Aunt Karen eating a grilled cheese sandwich. I was asking Karen how she got back with her ex, Red, about the date they had and stuff. Then my mom grabbed my grilled cheese and ate it, and I FLIPPED OUT!!! I went completely nuts! I was yelling, "ARE YOU GONNA COOK FOR EVERYONE! WE HAVE NO FOOD!!! AND YOU JUST ATE MY SANDWICH!!"

Then I started cooking on the stove. I was cooking on a pizza pan that was so warped it looked like the letter "S" fell down sideways. My mom's ex-husband Mark was there cooking too and getting in my way. I was still yelling and swearing, and when he told me to stop swearing, I got right in his face and told him not to tell ME what to do IN MY OWN HOUSE! He was yelling back at me but kept his hands behind his back, and I said, "Yeah, you better keep your hands behind your back!"

I told my mom she was an idiot for getting divorced 3 times and she told me I should try it. lol. But I wasn't laughing in my dream.