FIT Class - Families in Transition

I was excited to take the class. I didn't mind that it was mandatory for parents in MA who are getting divorced. Any info I can get to help my daughter through this rough transition is welcome. There were about 20 people in the class Wednesday night, and maybe one or two shared my point of view. The lady teaching the class was friendly and compassionate though. She wanted to know all of our stories, and most of us shared, others scowled. We had a few good laughs anyway. When asked what we gained in a divorce, our list included weight, debt, and freedom. And what have we lost? We've lost our MINDS! At least temporarily, at some point or another. And why do we think the divorce rate has gone up so much in the last 50 years? Oh I know this one! "Because guys are lazy bums; they don't work as hard as they did back then." I smiled at my snide remark. The laughter in the room was abruptly interrupted by shouting, "I'M OFFENDED BY THAT AND IF THIS CONTINUES I'M LEAVING!" It was the guy who earlier had introduced himself bitterly as, "My wife wants a divorce and I don't. I really don't want to be here." I slouched down in the chair I had taken next to the teacher. "Sorry," I muttered. The class was quiet. I stared at my hands as the teacher continued. My internal dialog drowned out the lesson: Don't say anything else. Keep my mouth shut. Just sit quietly for the remaining 2 hours of the class, I  know I say stupid things when I'm nervous, so zip it... I can't believe he yelled at me! It was a joke, it wasn't aimed at him, why'd he have to yell at me!? That was so RUDE! I'm gonna say something to him, I'm gonna tell him I didn't like that, I didn't DESERVE that! No wonder his wife wants a divorce. What a prick. I glared at him. Then the guy behind me said something about our society raising a bunch of spoiled brats. "I'M OFFENDED!" I blurted out. He started to argue with me and I started wondering what kind of cruel trick was being played on me, as kicked myself for not keeping my mouth shut like I suggested. Before I could get him to see how funny I am (haha) he was arguing with another woman and I knew then that I was in a room full of people I'd love to divorce.

Addicted to Pain - original song by Sharice Paris

Addicted to Pain
©2003 Sharice Paris

My heart is broken
And I don't have time to change
Is this what you wanted
Is it better this way
I keep looking back now
And seeing a better way
Cuz that's all I wanted
But now it's too late

(CHORUS)
I'll always see your blue eyes
The way you smiled when you said, "Hi!"
And I'd remember the good times
But they'd only make me start to cry
I can't help but miss you everyday
If time heals why do I feel the same
I think that I must be addicted to pain
Cuz I still miss you everyday

My eyes are swollen
And I don't have the strength to rage
This story's over
But I can't turn the page
It's something you wrote there
Its something you said
And all the places we've been
Running through my head

(CHORUS)

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Fish - original song by Sharice Paris

Fish
©2003 Sharice Paris

I was with one who was younger
He had no personality
The next one was older
But he beat on me
And the third one was perfect
Til he cheated on me
So much for lucky three
Come the fourth one I'll see
If they're all just freakin crazy
Or if its me
Ha ha ha!

(CHORUS)
There's plenty of fish in the sea
But when you've been through three
You start thinking
This might not be what I need

Is it too much to ask
For a man with some class
One who's not just looking for
A piece of - hey stop touching me there!
He's never out of line cuz he knows how to act
He'd wine me and dine me
He'd always have cash
I swear of he was perfect
I'd never throw him back
Ha ha ha!

(CHORUS)

You know they say
What comes around goes around
Well now I feel like
I'VE BEEN AROUND
When all I want's a good man
So that I can settle down
I've been a good girl
But true love I haven't found
So let me know when it's gonna
Come Back around
Ha ha ha!

(CHORUS)

No this is not what I need!

Watch my Fish video on YouTube

Keep Me Up All Night - original song by Sharice Paris

Keep Me Up All Night
©2005 Sharice Paris

I wanna tell you how I feel
But I can't look into your eyes
I wanna know if this is real
I want you to realize
I think about you night and day
Wishing you were around
Sometimes I call your name
Without making a sound

When you come into the room
I start tripping over things
Things start slipping out of my hands
And its hard for me to sing
I wonder what you think of me
When I'm acting like a fool
I'm walking around nervously
Cuz I'm falling for you
Yes I'm falling for you

(CHORUS)
I can hardly get to sleep
When I'm laying next to you
Keep me up all night if you want to
If this is real and not a dream
Then I'm breaking all the rules
Keep me up all night if you want to!

You take me out once in awhile
And you don't even have to lie
You're hanging out with other girls
I'm hanging out with other guys
I don't wanna tie you down
I want you to live your life
So when you're making my heart pound
I keep it all inside

You keep me on my toes
And I'm not easily surprised
I thought I knew without a doubt
But you keep making me think twice
Then you're walking out the door
You're leaving me behind
I should've said something more
But I think I'll take my time
I'll take my precious time

(CHORUS)

And I'll take my precious time
My precious time...

Watch my video on YouTube

Texas Heartbreakers :: Chapter 1 :: Rebel Angel

My white v-neck was stained from the hustle and bustle of another noisy Friday night waiting tables at La Feria; 3 years of Thursday nights spinning trays of margaritas, making friends, then cleaning up the mess. I was working downtown Austin though, and learning Spanish, and mariachi night was always fun! That night, the music of SXSW was pouring in from the streets, and the customers were buzzing with anticipation, talking about bands they couldn’t wait to see, and bands they just saw. Then there were the bands, they were making plans, and talking about shows, and what kind of gear they were hauling. I was in love; in love with the buzz.

I missed my band... but so what if I didn’t book a show for SXSW this year. I could still play! After work, my best friend Hazel and I grabbed my acoustic guitar and set up shop on one of our favorite spots on 6^th Street, the corner right across from The Driscol. We’d done it a bunch of times, and made decent tips too. I’d play a bunch of songs most people know, and a lot of my original songs people love. Hazel knew all the words. She’d get brave enough to belt out the chorus with me most the time. People loved that. She really was a Hazel Angel. And I really was a Rebel Angel.

“Let’s just go. Let’s pack the jeep, and quit our jobs, and go on tour!” It was perfect timing.

“Ok!” She was always down for whatever. I loved that about her. She was also an excellent planner, and we didn’t waste any time. We counted our money ($220), we calculated the cost, we printed lists of free camping areas, and we plotted our route. We looked up all the big cities and pinpointed the spots that looked busy enough to make money singing on street corners. Then we quit our jobs, packed the jeep, and left town.

It was April 5^th, 2005. Lightening bolted back and forth across the sky as we drove away from Austin. Zippers on bags rattled in the back, and the windshield wipers screeched across the glass as the rain let up. We pulled over to adjust the straps of the cargo bag on the roof and smoke a cigarette.

“So, what did your mom say?” I asked knowing Hazel’s mom probably hated me for this.

“Uh… she just wants us to be safe.”

“Yeah, mine too. We will. Hey, check out these moves!” Then I showed her how I’d knee someone in the groin, followed by punching the air in self defense. Hazel joined in too, growling and cursing under her breath.

We drove towards Lubbock down those country roads that go from 50mph, to 30, to 25, then back to 50. We were taking hits out of our dugouts and blaring one of our new favorite CD’s we got from the band we hung out with the most at SXSW. We were flying g! But when I noticed the blue lights behind us in the rear view mirror my stomach turned upsidedown! I thought our trip was about to end with a bail bondsman. They don’t let a little weed slide in Texas!

I quickly sprayed the body mist I kept up front with us and we both shoved our dugouts back behind the emergency brake. My heart was racing, I didn’t like cops as it was. I always got over-emotional when I had to deal with them, for any reason.

An authoritative voice ordered, “Step out of the vehicle.” His flashlight blinded me, and I felt pressure building in my head. “How much have you had to drink?” 

“Nothing,” my voice trembled. “We haven’t been drinking!” My face contorted as tears of fear swelled up.

He turned to Hazel, “How much has your friend had to drink tonight? I can smell it.”

“We haven’t been drinking... this is probably what you smell,” Hazel showed him the body mist.

“Oh!” He chuckled. “Well then why is your friend so nervous?”

“She doesn’t like cops.”

We laughed as we drove off, relieved to be free, and kept our eyes peeled for speed limit signs. We were doing exactly what we wanted to do, exactly when we wanted to do it, and nothing ever felt better!

Lost Chantix Dream #18

Ohhh my Gosh I just found this unpublished dream and it's so funny! It's mostly just NOTES, but you'll get the gist of it ;)

I'm eating donuts with SB and Kerri at Aunt Vicki's. There is a different cream filler in each donut; one had gingerbread cream, and it was wicked good.

Party at Lynn's house
She gave me a key cuz she was going away
JP left SB in the car and she was sweating and crying when I found her
Naked guy used the litter box to cover up
Cars got detailed
Julie was there
I'm Taking phone photos of Paris Hilton and cropping her head out to send to someone as a joke

Looking at dinos at a seaworld type of place. They are attacking ppl

I'm working at Houston's AGAIN! They threw away all the furniture I was storing there without even telling me or giving me a warning they were going to, and I am pissed! I had a Boppy in there! My my mom picks me up in the middle of my shift to bring me back to her house, where she has started throwing out all my furniture too! I am begging her not to get rid of it. I will keep it under a tarp behind the shed, she won't even know it's there... please let me keep it until I can sell it on Craigslist.

It's snowing out real bad, and I need to get back to work. They are going to be so mad I left without saying anything. I have to take my mom's car cuz she picked me up and we left my jeep there. Her brakes don't work again, and I'm driving through the mountains the wrong way, but I'm glad I went this went way cuz there's a bunch of waterfalls and wildlife I never saw before.

Aunt Vicki's There are lots of people staying there right now, and there are 3 tv's in the basement. As soon as I leave, the other kids are happy they can go back in their basement rooms and watch tv. Julie took the front seat of the van (behind her parents) and I have to sit on a spare tire in the back-back. I am SO mad at Julie! I yell at her and complain the whole ride home. I left my phone at Aunt Vickie's and I'm really upset about it. We stop at Sam's Club and I'm running through the parking lot pushing a shopping cart, when some 10 year old boy throws his hand out and breaks my glasses. I yell at him, and hit him back, and his dad is right there too.

Back at home, I'm trying to get Vicki's phone number from Lynn and Terry, but they are renovating the attic, and I have to climb up there barefoot. There's nails all over the floor, and when I make it up to the top some dorky girl from middle school attacks me.


Everyone is racing to go see the New Years Eve fireworks, but it's not even getting dark yet. I'm rushing making pepperoni pizzas for everyone at my apartment. I want to lock my bedroom door so nobody will go in there during the after-party, but there's already people in there.

I have crazy bangs and they are all sticky and messed up.